These are some funny and/or profound quotes that I have read in books recently. They're sorted by series.
*MINOR SPOILER ALERT*
Unwind:
One thing you learn when you've lived as long as I have- people aren't all good, and people aren't all bad. We move in and out of darkness and light all of our lives. Right now, I'm pleased to be in the light.
- Unwind by Neal Shusterman
You see, a conflict always begins with an issue- a difference of opinion, an argument. But by the time it turns into a war, the issue doesn't matter anymore, because now it's about one thing and one thing only: how much each side hates the other.
-Unwind by Neal Shusterman
Stupid dreams. Even the gook ones are bad, because they remind you how poorly reality measures up.
-Unwind by Neal Shusterman
Most people have two emergency modes. Fight and Flight. But Connor always knew that he had three: Fight, Flight, and Screw Up Royally.
-Unwind by Neal Shusterman
The Maze Runner Trilogy:
But there was something about the largest object in the solar system vanishing that tended to disrupt normal schedules.
-The Maze Runner by James Dashner
Chuck: Who am I nicknamed after?
Thomas: I don't know, Darwin, maybe? The dude who figured out evolution.
Chuck: I bet no one's ever called him a dude before.
- The Maze Runner by James Dashner
Hunger. It's like an animal trapped inside you, Thomas thought. After three full days of not eating, it felt like a vicious, gnawing, dull- clawed animal was trying to burrow its way out of his stomach
- The Scorch Trials by James Dashner
He felt a smile crack his face, and not just because he'd been kissed
-The Death Cure by James Dashner
Minho:How do we get into these messes? at least we used to be able to blame everything on WICKED.
Thomas: Yeah, well, we still can
Minho: Good. Those shuck-faces
-The Death Cure by James Dashner
The Missing Series:
Great, Jonah thought. My mind's working well enough that I can remeber Disney movies. Now I'm as smart as the average three-year-old.
-Sent by Margaret Peterson Haddix
This had been a recurring problem for Chip all week. He'd used the word "doth" in language arts class, and everyone had laughed at him; he'd explained to a bully on the school bus exactly how it was possible to carve out a man's innards with a battle-ax. On the bright side, this made the bully stop bothering anyone on the bus.
-Sent by Margaret Haddix
JB: What just happened? What was that?
Alex: Chip just tried to taser his own, uh, ghost. It wasn't very effective.
-Sent by Margaret Haddix
Beyonders:
Rachel: If we both fall asleep, we might end up dead.
Jason: We probably wouldn't wake up. We'd just be dead.
- A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
Say no to death pies. Another good motto. I'm getting a headache.
-A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
Jason: Your eyes are very close together.
Guard guy: Stay focused
Jason: How do you stay focused? You're practically a cyclops.
-A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
He didn't look back. He doubted anyone was watching their departure. And besides, it would do little good to wave to a blind man.
-A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
Commander: Is this the seedman Jasher?
Jason: It's his identical twin.
Commander: We know that he traveled with you until recently. Where is his amar?
Jason: I ate it.
Commander: This is a foolish time for flippancy.
Jason: I panicked. It tasted horrible. Do you have any mouthwash?
-A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
Guard: Tell me about your friends.
Jason: I hardly knew them. The one who ran off with the girl is named Christopher Columbus. Tall guy. Really Skinny. Green hair. Fangs. Six fingers of his left hand. About a hundred years old. Lots of wrinkles.
-A World Without Heroes by Brandon Mull
Jason: What do you want?
No answer.
Jason: Are you the thing that followed Tark? You should keep following him. He's the real mastermind. Shoo. Go hide.
No response.
Jason: Okay, how about you stand guard while I sleep. Keep the giants away. Sound good? All in favor, hold perfectly still. Fine, I guess we have a deal
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Watchman: Don't share your doom with our commmunity.
Jason: Sorry, I need to come inside. Orders from the underworld
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Drake stared down at him, face impassive. Jason stared back. The flat black eyes betrayed no emotion. Jason winked.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
I have a plan. If this proves to be an ambush, Aram will kill everybody. And their horses.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Believe it or not, I came here through the same hippopotamus that brought me here the first time.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Jason: They should add that to the travel brochure. Who doesn't want some tasty lung fungus?
Rachel: Fun for the whole family.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Rachel: It's a storage room
Jason: Steal anything good?
Rachel: Right, I was stealing stuff from out hosts
Jason: Then what were you doing back there? They have an outhouse you know.
Rachel: Ew, sicko
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Jason: The Conclave is having a conclave. It should be really conclave. They should call the meeting something else.
Rachel: Like what?
Jason: A jamboree
Rachel: slip that one into the suggestion box.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Jason: I'm thinking of a number.
Rachel: It doesn't work that way.
Jason: come on. It's between 1 and 5.
Rachel: 2?
Jason: Pi
Rachel: I can only read minds that are close to my intelligence.
Jason: Oh. Like clams? Inchworms? Bread mold?
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Faralee: Does any member of this group have a problem with the pressence of any other member? Be honest. Speak now, or keep silent hereafter.
Ferrin: Aram snores.
Faralee: Does this seem like a sueful time for humor?
Ferrin: I'm not joking. It sounds like a bear drowning in a tar pit.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Rachel: How do you kill something that's already dead?
Corinne: Nobody knows enough about them.
Rachel: Ask jason. He'll have an opinion.
Corinne: He says you chop them up into little pieces
Rachel: But what if it infects you with the diesease?
Corinne: You let Nollin do it.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
To amuse himself, Jason invented a game called Will Nia Eat It? The answer to the question was typically yes.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Jason: I hope they use a lot of chlorine in the pool. Have you looked around> Some of these customers don't look very sanitary.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
It was like watching a concert pianist play a impossible piece of music, fingers flying to strike mind-boggling patterns of notes and spiraling chords. No, it was more than that. It was like watching that pianist play an impossible piece with dynamite strapped to his back, rigged to detonate if he touched a wrong note.
-Seeds of Rebellion by Brandon Mull
Gone Series:
"They," Astrid noted. "We've moved from 'God' to 'they'."
-Gone by Michael Grant
You can't summon fear whenever you need it, Sam. But anger is fear aimed outward. Anger is easy.
-Gone by Michael Grant
"You're like a dog chasing a truck. What are you going to do if you catch us?"
-Gone by Michael Grant
"Kid named Tom starts shooting and he almost shoots me. I had to dive into a pile of dog poop." Sam tried not to laugh, but neither of them could stop once it started. "Yeah, you think it's funny. Wait till it's you," Edilio said.
-Gone by Michael Grant
Edilio: Hey, Man, I'm not just your good-looking Mexican sidekick.
Sam: You're not Mexican. You're Honduran.
Edilio: Oh, yeah. Sometimes I forget
-Hunger by Michael Grant
Caine: How strong do you think that fuel rod is?
Diana: Are you insane?
Caine: Just in a hurry.
- Hunger by Michael Grant
Sam: Why are we going to the beach? I have to get back to town hall. I have, like, all this stuff-
Edilio: Not now
Sam: What's up, Edilio.
Edilio: I'm supposed to be sheriff, right? That's my new title? Okay, then, you are under arrest.
Sam: Under arrest? What are you talking about?
Edilio: You are under arrest for trying to kill a kid names Same Temple. By stressinf him out with the wholeworld on his back.
- Hunger by Michael Grant
Sam to Astrid: You know, a real genius would have knows I wouldn't get it. Ergo, you're not a real genius. Hah. That's right: I threw down an 'ergo'.
- Lies by Michael Grant
Astrid: That's very impressive, Sam. Especially froma a boy who has twenty-two different uses for the word 'dude'.
Sam *whispering*: Dude.
Astrid: Okay, twenty-three. I have shopping to do. So you want to eat, or do you want to... dude?
Sam: Dude. Always
-Lies by Michael Grant
Astrid: More like a siren.
Sam: ...
Astrid: No. Not like a police car siren. Like Odysseus. Ulysses. The sirens. The ones who sang until no man could resist them?
Sam: I knew that
Astrid: Uh-huh.
Sam: I did. They did a parody on The Simpsons.
Astrid *sighing*: Why am I with you?
Sam: Because I'm incredibly attractive?
Astrid: You are mildly attractive, actually.
Sam: So, I'm a kind of really hot dictator?
Astrid: I don't recall saying 'really hot'.
Sam: You didn't have to. It's in your eyes.
- Lies by Michael Grant
Sanjit: What if.. I don't know. Maybe it's nothing but man-eating dinosaurs over there.
Virtue: Dinosaurs? You're going with dinosaurs?
-Lies by Michael Grant
Sanjit:What time is it?
Peace: It's almost morning
Sanjit: The key word there being 'almost'. You know what's a better time to get up? Actual morning. Much better than 'almost morning.
She (Brianna) was holding something. Two somethings. Sam stared at the objects in her hands. Then he stared at her. Then back at the objects in her hands. He waited until she she was done coughing, bent over. "No," he said.
-Lies by Michael Grant
Brianna dropped the skateboard in front of Sam. "Don't worry: I won't let you fall off." "Yeah? Then why did you bring the helmet?" Brianna tossed it to him. "In case you fall off."
-Lies by Michael Grant
"I'm going to refuse to do puberty," Virtue grumbled. "It makes you stupid."
-Plague by Michael Grant
Sanjit: You missed a beautiful sunset.
Lana: It's not the real sun. None of it is real. The moon, the stars, all of it.
Sanjit: Still beautiful, though.
Lana: Fake
Sanjit: But beautiful... So asking you to take a moonlit walk with me, that would totally not work?
Lana: What? Go away. Stop being an idiot. I don't even know you.
Sanjit: You're healing my little brother Bowie.
Lana: Yeah, that doesn't make us friends, kid.
Sanjit: So no moonlight
Lana: Are you retarded?
Sanjit: Sunrise? I could get up early
Lana: Go away
Sanjit: Sunset tomorrow?
Lana: Just what is your problem, kid? Do you know who I am? No one messes with me.
Sanjit: Do you know my name?
Lana: Which part of 'go away' do you not get? I could shoot you and no one would even say anything.
Sanjit: It's Sanjit. It's a Hindu name.
Lana: One word to Orc and he'd play basketball with your head.
Sanjit: It means 'invincilble'.
Lana: That's great
Sanjit: Invincible. I can't be vinced.
Lana: That's not even a word.
Sanjit: Go ahead: try to vince me.
- Plague by Michael Grant
Jack: Warning restricted area.
Sam: Yep. We are subject to search.
Dekka: How great would it be if someone did come and arrest us?
-Plague by Michael Grant
Dekka: You want to jet ski?
Sam: What do jet skis run on, my friend?
Dekka: I want to say water.
Jack: Gas!
-Plague by Michael Grant
Dekka: I know you worry about that.
Sam: A little bit, yeah. I see, like, a trial, kind of. Old dudes and old ladies all looking harsh and asking me to justify... You know: what did you do to save EZ, Mr. Temple? In my imagination they always call me Mr. Temple.
Dekka: What did you do, Mr. Temple, to save Dekka Talent?
Sam: That's your last name? I didn't think you had a last name. I thought you were like Iman or Madonna or Beyonce. You just need the one name.
Dekka: Yeah, me and Beyonce
- Plague by Michael Grant
Dekka: "I'm pretending we're floating up to heaven."
Sam: "Kind of hope we're not."
-Plague by Michael Grant
"He hates you," Brittney said. "Drake?" Sam laughed. "He hates everyone." "Not Drake. Him. God." Sam blinked. What was he to say to that? "I thought God loved everyone."
- Plague by Michael Grant
Sam: How are you doing?
Diana: My boobs are swollen and they hurt. Really that makes you blush?
Sam: I'm not blushing. It's ...
-Fear by Michael Grant
Diana: Okay, then, give me your hand.
Sam: Yep, that's a, um, a definite belly.
Diana: Yeah, I was hoping you'd agree that that is a belly. I needed a second opinion. Just wait... There!
-Fear by Michael Grant
At that point Sam decided it might be a good idea to weave off the road and knock into a fence post.
-Fear by Michael Grant
Sanjit: Haven't I told you what 'Sanjit' means? It's Sanskrit for 'invincible'.
Lana: I remember: you can't be vinced.
Sanjit: No one vinces me, baby.
-Fear by Michael Grant
He'd had a nail driven into his butt cheek and broken his wrist. Mohamed figured he'd change that story a little. Nail in the butt sounded funny. It hadn't been, but if he ever got out, yeah, he'd change that story.
-Fear by Michael Grant
... they assumed all fear must come from a thing or a place. An event. Cause and effect. Like fear was part of an algevra equation. No,no, no, so not getting the point of fear. Because fear wasn't about what made sense. Fear was about possibilities. Not things that happened. Things that might.
-Fear by Michael Grant
When the machete struck something, she slowed down until she (Brianna) found an open way. It was like a blind person using a cane, but so much more badass.
-Fear by Michael Grant
Sam: Paranoia. You're slowly going nuts, dude. Or maybe not so slowly, since you're talking to yourself.
-Fear by Michael Grant
Alcatraz:
The Curator hissed. Then, all of those standing around us hissed. I hissed back at them. I'm ... uh, not sure why I did that.
-Alcatraz vs. the Scrivener's Bones by Brandon Sanderson
A wise man once said, "Any story, no matter how good, will sound really, really dumb when you shorten it to a few sentences."
-Alcatraz vs the Knights of Crystallia by Brandon Sanderson
Alcatraz: I've been an idiot!
Grandpa Smedry: I prefer the term 'nigglenut'. Though that's probably because I just made it up and feel a certain paternal sense toward it.
-Alcatraz vs the Knights of Crystallia by Brandon Sanderson
Kaz: I prefered the part where we flew up into space.
Bastille: We should have done that in book two. Then that cover would have made sense.
-Alcatraz vs the Shattered Lens by Brandon Sanderson
Religions, in the Hushlands, are basically about food... So which religion is the best? Well, it depends. In my cultivated opinion, I'd suggest Judaism. But that's just because I prefer the path of yeast resistance.
-Alcatraz vs the Shattered Lens by Brandon Sanderson
Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know: 1) Women have feelings. 2) You will spend the next 70 years or so trying to guess what they are. 3) You will be wrong most of the time. 4) I like French fries.
-Alcatraz vs the Shattered Lens by Brandon Sanderson
Dark Fusion:
Tara: We're all under the weather. If we weren't, we'd be in space and our lungs would explode.
-Dread Locks by Neal Shusterman
"I have to find something big," I said, more to myself than to him. "An elephant, a whale-anything!" "Just when I thought you couldn't get weirder... what are you going to tell me next, you're a zombie that must eat human brains?"
-Dread Locks by Neal Shusterman
Tunnels:
Second Officer: The Styx will get me out of here.
Chester: Nope. That's our Styx- he's not on your side anymore.
Second Officer: So he's on your side.
Chester shook his head.
Second Officer: Well, whose bloomin' side is he on, then?
-Closer by Brian Williams and Roderick Gordan
The Skinjacker Trilogy:
Looking back at the train proved to be a sureal sight: the locomotive, standing against the little white church right in the middle of it's path. The way its steeple poked up at the sky made it appear as if the church was giving the train the middle finger.
-Everfound by Neal Shusterman
There was absolute silence. No one spoke until a kid called Foul-Moth Fabian declared something holy that wasn't holy at all.
-Everfound by Neal Shusterman
Sing-alongs, Johnnie-O had decided, were invented by the darkest forces of evil as hell's ultimate horror.
-Everfound by Neal Shusterman
"FIRST OF ALL," the glorious feathered serpent said, "YOU WILL NO LONGER REFER TO YOURSELF AS 'WE'. IT'S ANNOYING. YOU ARE AN 'I' JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE."
-Everfound by Neal Shusterman
When he saw the tunnel, he leaped joyfully into it like a skydiver, and shouted, "Bring on the dancing bear!"
-Everfound by Neal Shusterman
Shadow Children:
Luke wished Jen was still alive just so he could tell her to shut up.
-Amoung the Free by Margaret Haddix
Morpheus Road:
If I had a nickel for every time I had ridden my bike there, well, I'd have enough money to buy a freakin' plane ticket and get my butt to Dad in Las Vegas, where it was sunny and safe, instead of riding my bike around in the rain.
-The Light by DJ MacHale and Sammy Yuen Jr.
It was alien at first, until I realized what was happening. Gravity. I was standing. Feet down. Head up. You know... standing. Got it.
-The Black by DJ MacHale
I had no connection with Connie... other than the string of fireworks I'd dropped in her mailbox. Yeah, it was me.
-The Black by DJ MacHale
Marsh: Please. Take it.
Sydney: I can't. I love you.
Marsh: I love you too. That's why you have to take it.
Coop: Stop! Take it. No you take it. I love you. I love you more. Kissy-Kissy. Jeez. If I weren't already dead, I'd have to kill myself just so I could roll over in my grave.
-The Blood by DJ MacHale
Coop: How twisted is this? Instead of being sad because somebody's gonna die, we're all weepy because somebody's about to live.
-The Blood by DJ MacHale
The Limit:
I really had wanted to try the Buffy smuggling plan- just to see if I could pull it off. Putting my brains up against a government agency would've been an awesome challenge. I bet I would have won.
-The Limit by Kristen Landon
"Hey, Mr. G." Turned out that Gorilla Man's last name was Gillia. Did I have him pegged or what?
-The Limit by Kristen Landon
The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel"
Billy: Did you ever watch Star Trek? The original series.
Machiavelli: Do I look like I watch Star Trek?
Billy: It's hard to tell. You'd never think it, but Black Hawk is a serious Trekkie. Has the uniform and everything.
Machiavelli: Billy. I ran one of the most sophisticated secret service organizations in the world. I did not have time for Star Trek. I was more of a Star Wars fan. Why do you ask?
- The Enchantress by Michael Scott
Sphinx: Only a miracle will save you now.
Billy the Kid: You know, I've been called many things in my life. But I've never been called a miracle before.
- The Enchantress by Michael Scott
Sophie: They want everyone to know we're here.
Josh: I wish I'd brought my sunglasses. Though it would probably ruin the look.
Sophie: Armor and Sunglasses. It would be an interesting image, that;s for sure.
- The Enchantress by Michael Scott
Josh: You're always bossing me around. I can be scared if I want to.
- The Enchantress by Michael Scott
